The New Hire

"Let's leave it up to the driver," Ben suggested. He called to me from the back of the van. "So, what do you think, Norman? Is Sam's joke funny?"

Norm was surprised Ben knew his name. Norm had been ignored for the past two hours, but now, he was being included, all right-but not merely as a listener; they'd called upon him to settle their dispute. Sam thought his joke was hilarious, Ed thought it was lame, and Ben had been non-committal. Whichever way Norm answered, he'd probably end up offending somebody. He shrugged. He might as well answer honestly, he thought. "It wasn't half bad," he said.

"What kind of lame-ass answer is that?" Ed wanted to know. "Either Sam's joke was funny-which it wasn't-or not. Which was it?"

"Now, now, boys," Ben's bass voice boomed from the rear of the vehicle. "I think Norman's answer was perfect. Obviously, he didn't want to offend either one of you pantywaists, so he gave a middle-of-the-road response. Very diplomatic, Norman."

Norm chuckled. "Not all that diplomatic, it seems," he told Ben. "Two out of three of you are pissed off, anyway."

"That's because they're dickheads," Ben said.

"Ed is not a dickhead," Sam declared.

"Thanks, Sam," Ed said.

"He's a peckerwood," Sam clarified.

"See what I mean, Norman?" Ben said to the driver. "They're dickheads."

"Your answer wasn't half bad, Norman" Ed relented.

"No, it wasn't," Sam admitted. He paused. "Of course, that means it wasn't half good, either."

Norm shrugged. "I'll settle for that."

"Just don't repeat Ed's joke in front of Bobbie," Sam advised, "not if you know what's good for you."

"She's really a prude, huh?" Norm asked.

The three passengers guffawed, Sam slapping his knee.

Between wheezing gasps, tears running down his cheeks, Ben, managed to state, "Norman's funnier than either one of you, and he ain't even trying to be funny."